Brighten Your Smile

Brighter Teeth

Something I'm sure a lot of Americans would have tried if only they knew. I think my teeth are a important asset and I've never had an easy time with puberty. So feh go figure. *shruggs*

Random Urban Dictionary Words :: A v.1

Assclown

One who through the fault of his parents conception, is a skid mark in society's collective underwear. A person who enhances themselves, with stories of "similar experience" or "knowledge" of a subject while in reality every thing in between is pure bullshit.

What happened to Officer John Parker

Who the hell is John Parker, the guy responsible for one of the greatest events and best disappearing act to which history has ever seen.

When a celebrity-seeking couple crashed a White House state dinner last November, the issue of presidential security dominated the news. The Secret Service responded by putting three of its officers on administrative leave and scrambled to reassure the public that it takes the job of guarding the president very seriously. “We put forth the maximum effort all the time,” said Secret Service spokesman Edwin Donovan.

That kind of dedication to safeguarding the president didn’t always exist. It wasn’t until 1902 that the Secret Service, created in 1865 to eradicate counterfeit currency, assumed official full-time responsibility for protecting the president. Before that, security for the president could be unbelievably lax. The most astounding example was the scant protection afforded Abraham Lincoln on the night he was assassinated. Only one man, an unreliable Washington cop named John Frederick Parker, was assigned to guard the president at Ford’s Theatre on April 14, 1865.

Today it’s hard to believe that a single policeman was Lincoln’s only protection, but 145 years ago the situation wasn’t that unusual. Lincoln was cavalier about his personal safety, despite the frequent threats he received and a near-miss attempt on his life in August 1864, as he rode a horse unescorted. He’d often take in a play or go to church without guards, and he hated being encumbered by the military escort assigned to him. Sometimes he walked alone at night between the White House and the War Department, a distance of about a quarter of a mile.

John Parker was an unlikely candidate to guard a president—or anyone for that matter. Born in Frederick County, Virginia, in 1830, Parker moved to Washington as a young man, originally earning his living as a carpenter. He became one of the capital’s first officers when the Metropolitan Police Force was organized in 1861. Parker’s record as a cop fell somewhere between pathetic and comical. He was hauled before the police board numerous times, facing a smorgasbord of charges that should have gotten him fired. But he received nothing more than an occasional reprimand. His infractions included conduct unbecoming an officer, using intemperate language and being drunk on duty. Charged with sleeping on a streetcar when he was supposed to be walking his beat, Parker declared that he’d heard ducks quacking on the tram and had climbed aboard to investigate. The charge was dismissed. When he was brought before the board for frequenting a whorehouse, Parker argued that the proprietress had sent for him.

In November 1864, the Washington police force created the first permanent detail to protect the president, made up of four officers. Somehow, John Parker was named to the detail. Parker was the only one of the officers with a spotty record, so it was a tragic coincidence that he drew the assignment to guard the president that evening. As usual, Parker got off to a lousy start that fateful Friday. He was supposed to relieve Lincoln’s previous bodyguard at 4 p.m. but was three hours late.

Lincoln’s party arrived at the theater at around 9 p.m. The play, Our American Cousin, had already started when the president entered his box directly above the right side of the stage. The actors paused while the orchestra struck up “Hail to the Chief.” Lincoln bowed to the applauding audience and took his seat.

Parker was seated outside the president’s box, in the passageway beside the door. From where he sat, Parker couldn’t see the stage, so after Lincoln and his guests settled in, he moved to the first gallery to enjoy the play. Later, Parker committed an even greater folly: At intermission, he joined the footman and coachman of Lincoln’s carriage for drinks in the Star Saloon next door to Ford’s Theatre.

John Wilkes Booth entered the theater around 10 p.m.. Ironically, he’d also been in the Star Saloon, working up some liquid courage. When Booth crept up to the door to Lincoln’s box, Parker’s chair stood empty. Some of the audience may not have heard the fatal pistol shot, since Booth timed his attack to coincide with a scene in the play that always sparked loud laughter.

No one knows for sure if Parker ever returned to Ford’s Theatre that night. When Booth struck, the vanishing policeman may have been sitting in his new seat with a nice view of the stage, or perhaps he had stayed put in the Star Saloon. Even if he had been at his post, it’s not certain he would have stopped Booth. “Booth was a well-known actor, a member of a famous theatrical family,” says Ford’s Theatre historical interpreter Eric Martin. “They were like Hollywood stars today. Booth might have been allowed in to pay his respects. Lincoln knew of him. He’d seen him act in The Marble Heart, here in Ford’s Theatre in 1863.”

A fellow presidential bodyguard, William H. Crook, wouldn’t accept any excuses for Parker. He held him directly responsible for Lincoln’s death. “Had he done his duty, I believe President Lincoln would not have been murdered by Booth,” Crook wrote in his memoir. “Parker knew that he had failed in duty. He looked like a convicted criminal the next day.” Parker was charged with failing to protect the president, but the complaint was dismissed a month later. No local newspaper followed up on the issue of Parker’s culpability. Nor was Parker mentioned in the official report on Lincoln’s death. Why he was let off so easily is baffling. Perhaps, with the hot pursuit of Booth and his co-conspirators in the chaotic aftermath, he seemed like too small a fish. Or perhaps the public was unaware that a bodyguard had even been assigned to the president.

Incredibly, Parker remained on the White House security detail after the assassination. At least once he was assigned to protect the grieving Mrs. Lincoln before she moved out of the presidential mansion and returned to Illinois. Mrs. Lincoln’s dressmaker, former slave Elizabeth Keckley, recalled the following exchange between the president’s widow and Parker: “So you are on guard tonight,” Mrs. Lincoln yelled, “on guard in the White House after helping to murder the President.”

“I could never stoop to murder,” Parker stammered, “much less to the murder of so good and great a man as the President. I did wrong, I admit, and have bitterly repented. I did not believe any one would try to kill so good a man in such a public place, and the belief made me careless.”

Mrs. Lincoln snapped that she would always consider him guilty and ordered him from the room. Some weeks before the assassination, she had written a letter on Parker’s behalf to exempt him from the draft, and some historians think she may have been related to him on her mother’s side.

Parker remained on the Metropolitan Police Force for three more years, but his shiftlessness finally did him in. He was fired on August 13, 1868, for once again sleeping on duty. Parker drifted back into carpentry. He died in Washington in 1890, of pneumonia. Parker, his wife and their three children are buried together in the capital’s Glenwood Cemetery—on present-day Lincoln Road. Their graves are unmarked. No photographs have ever been found of John Parker. He remains a faceless character, his role in the great tragedy largely forgotten.

Read more: Lincoln's Missing Body Guard Resource

Knighty Dogs

"Got a little knight in you?" lol Had to say it, why? Cause these armor for dogs are way to cute, andz if that wasn't enough they also have it for squirrels! XD Which bring yet another pun, "don't touch his nuts."Ok, ok, but seriously this is something you cant miss out on. Presenting, Armor Amour. ^^

Click this Link to see more!!! :: Armor Amour

Wear A Condom, Save a Polar Bear

Upon reading this the only thing playing in my mind, was: "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" XD

Points go to Plime yet again proving that famous tag-line, but wait there's more!

Here’s an offer too good to refuse: Go have intercourse with the man/woman/vegetable of your choice. Then, as you bask in the afterglow, bask in the knowledge that you just helped save an endangered animal.

Indirectly, anyway.

Sound crazy? Believe us, we know. When we first came across the Endangered Species Condom Project, we thought it was an April Fool's joke. But we’re pretty sure now it’s the real deal.

The project, an effort of the Center for Biological Diversity, will result in hundreds of thousands of free “Endangered Species Condoms” being handed out across America. The goal is to get horny fornicators to think about “how unsustainable human population growth is driving species extinct at a cataclysmic rate.” While they’re putting on condoms .

Right. Because the fate of the polar bear is the first thing on every guy’s mind during that pivotal moment.

Hang on, though: It gets better. Check out some of the educational designs that’ll be featured on the Endangered Species Condoms’ packaging. We swear we aren’t making these up.

(Click any image to enlarge it to full-size.)

The Polar Bear

You know, carrying this sucker around might actually help you get laid. Just picture it: “Hey, baby. Wanna come home with me? Look: We can save polar bears together.”

The Snail Darter

The snail darter, eh? I think I tried that move on a girl once. It didn’t end well.

The American Burying Beetle

This much is for sure: Refer to your penis as a “tweedle,” and your opportunity to use the condom will vanish faster than you can say “World Wildlife Foundation.”

The Jaguar

Recommended for use with cougars.

You can see the full line of Endangered Species Condoms here. No matter how much you like the designs, though, remember this: Once it’s been used, it cannot be saved as a souvenir. No exceptions.

Furry Fandom

For all you furry fans out there, comes stories that are well written, greatly illustrated and have hard hitting story lines. Sincerely these comics will dazzle you long after their time and help you cope with that thing called life.

This first one is about twin kittens. They take you on an amazing story that deals with the hardship of life and the way our youth handles it. I think this is mostly inspirational to people in their 16 - 30's. I would put a more direct rating on this, but the truth is. Everything said in this comic are facts of life and if they see it anywhere else. Least here you can give them a better understanding.

http://www.jaynaylor.com/

This is a rated R comic that I think speaks for itself. While the comic strip seems very subtle, I rate this higher because the situations aren't always feasible and some content is adult. Though you will definitely find some light in this strip and it's fun to pass the hours away.

http://www.sabrina-online.com/index.html

Pizza Man Fights Back AND WINS!

Found this funny since my friend (Chris) just got a job at Little Cesar's. XD

NEW YORK (AP) - A New York City pizza deliveryman managed to fend off a gunman trying to make off with his pies and deliver them to their rightful owner.

Frank Grecco, the owner of Famous Famiglia pizza in East Harlem, says Assami Semde, 19, was trying to deliver two pizzas to a nearby apartment last week when two men started harassing him.

Grecco says one man pointed a gun at him and told him to leave the pizzas.

Grecco says Semde put the pies down and when the gunman bent over to get them, shoved him so he'd lose his balance.

Police say one man has been arrested on attempted robbery charges

And Semde, escorted by police, delivered his pizzas — one pepperoni and one cheese.