Brighten Your Smile

Brighter Teeth

Something I'm sure a lot of Americans would have tried if only they knew. I think my teeth are a important asset and I've never had an easy time with puberty. So feh go figure. *shruggs*

Random Urban Dictionary Words :: A v.1

Assclown

One who through the fault of his parents conception, is a skid mark in society's collective underwear. A person who enhances themselves, with stories of "similar experience" or "knowledge" of a subject while in reality every thing in between is pure bullshit.

What happened to Officer John Parker

Who the hell is John Parker, the guy responsible for one of the greatest events and best disappearing act to which history has ever seen.

When a celebrity-seeking couple crashed a White House state dinner last November, the issue of presidential security dominated the news. The Secret Service responded by putting three of its officers on administrative leave and scrambled to reassure the public that it takes the job of guarding the president very seriously. “We put forth the maximum effort all the time,” said Secret Service spokesman Edwin Donovan.

That kind of dedication to safeguarding the president didn’t always exist. It wasn’t until 1902 that the Secret Service, created in 1865 to eradicate counterfeit currency, assumed official full-time responsibility for protecting the president. Before that, security for the president could be unbelievably lax. The most astounding example was the scant protection afforded Abraham Lincoln on the night he was assassinated. Only one man, an unreliable Washington cop named John Frederick Parker, was assigned to guard the president at Ford’s Theatre on April 14, 1865.

Today it’s hard to believe that a single policeman was Lincoln’s only protection, but 145 years ago the situation wasn’t that unusual. Lincoln was cavalier about his personal safety, despite the frequent threats he received and a near-miss attempt on his life in August 1864, as he rode a horse unescorted. He’d often take in a play or go to church without guards, and he hated being encumbered by the military escort assigned to him. Sometimes he walked alone at night between the White House and the War Department, a distance of about a quarter of a mile.

John Parker was an unlikely candidate to guard a president—or anyone for that matter. Born in Frederick County, Virginia, in 1830, Parker moved to Washington as a young man, originally earning his living as a carpenter. He became one of the capital’s first officers when the Metropolitan Police Force was organized in 1861. Parker’s record as a cop fell somewhere between pathetic and comical. He was hauled before the police board numerous times, facing a smorgasbord of charges that should have gotten him fired. But he received nothing more than an occasional reprimand. His infractions included conduct unbecoming an officer, using intemperate language and being drunk on duty. Charged with sleeping on a streetcar when he was supposed to be walking his beat, Parker declared that he’d heard ducks quacking on the tram and had climbed aboard to investigate. The charge was dismissed. When he was brought before the board for frequenting a whorehouse, Parker argued that the proprietress had sent for him.

In November 1864, the Washington police force created the first permanent detail to protect the president, made up of four officers. Somehow, John Parker was named to the detail. Parker was the only one of the officers with a spotty record, so it was a tragic coincidence that he drew the assignment to guard the president that evening. As usual, Parker got off to a lousy start that fateful Friday. He was supposed to relieve Lincoln’s previous bodyguard at 4 p.m. but was three hours late.

Lincoln’s party arrived at the theater at around 9 p.m. The play, Our American Cousin, had already started when the president entered his box directly above the right side of the stage. The actors paused while the orchestra struck up “Hail to the Chief.” Lincoln bowed to the applauding audience and took his seat.

Parker was seated outside the president’s box, in the passageway beside the door. From where he sat, Parker couldn’t see the stage, so after Lincoln and his guests settled in, he moved to the first gallery to enjoy the play. Later, Parker committed an even greater folly: At intermission, he joined the footman and coachman of Lincoln’s carriage for drinks in the Star Saloon next door to Ford’s Theatre.

John Wilkes Booth entered the theater around 10 p.m.. Ironically, he’d also been in the Star Saloon, working up some liquid courage. When Booth crept up to the door to Lincoln’s box, Parker’s chair stood empty. Some of the audience may not have heard the fatal pistol shot, since Booth timed his attack to coincide with a scene in the play that always sparked loud laughter.

No one knows for sure if Parker ever returned to Ford’s Theatre that night. When Booth struck, the vanishing policeman may have been sitting in his new seat with a nice view of the stage, or perhaps he had stayed put in the Star Saloon. Even if he had been at his post, it’s not certain he would have stopped Booth. “Booth was a well-known actor, a member of a famous theatrical family,” says Ford’s Theatre historical interpreter Eric Martin. “They were like Hollywood stars today. Booth might have been allowed in to pay his respects. Lincoln knew of him. He’d seen him act in The Marble Heart, here in Ford’s Theatre in 1863.”

A fellow presidential bodyguard, William H. Crook, wouldn’t accept any excuses for Parker. He held him directly responsible for Lincoln’s death. “Had he done his duty, I believe President Lincoln would not have been murdered by Booth,” Crook wrote in his memoir. “Parker knew that he had failed in duty. He looked like a convicted criminal the next day.” Parker was charged with failing to protect the president, but the complaint was dismissed a month later. No local newspaper followed up on the issue of Parker’s culpability. Nor was Parker mentioned in the official report on Lincoln’s death. Why he was let off so easily is baffling. Perhaps, with the hot pursuit of Booth and his co-conspirators in the chaotic aftermath, he seemed like too small a fish. Or perhaps the public was unaware that a bodyguard had even been assigned to the president.

Incredibly, Parker remained on the White House security detail after the assassination. At least once he was assigned to protect the grieving Mrs. Lincoln before she moved out of the presidential mansion and returned to Illinois. Mrs. Lincoln’s dressmaker, former slave Elizabeth Keckley, recalled the following exchange between the president’s widow and Parker: “So you are on guard tonight,” Mrs. Lincoln yelled, “on guard in the White House after helping to murder the President.”

“I could never stoop to murder,” Parker stammered, “much less to the murder of so good and great a man as the President. I did wrong, I admit, and have bitterly repented. I did not believe any one would try to kill so good a man in such a public place, and the belief made me careless.”

Mrs. Lincoln snapped that she would always consider him guilty and ordered him from the room. Some weeks before the assassination, she had written a letter on Parker’s behalf to exempt him from the draft, and some historians think she may have been related to him on her mother’s side.

Parker remained on the Metropolitan Police Force for three more years, but his shiftlessness finally did him in. He was fired on August 13, 1868, for once again sleeping on duty. Parker drifted back into carpentry. He died in Washington in 1890, of pneumonia. Parker, his wife and their three children are buried together in the capital’s Glenwood Cemetery—on present-day Lincoln Road. Their graves are unmarked. No photographs have ever been found of John Parker. He remains a faceless character, his role in the great tragedy largely forgotten.

Read more: Lincoln's Missing Body Guard Resource

Knighty Dogs

"Got a little knight in you?" lol Had to say it, why? Cause these armor for dogs are way to cute, andz if that wasn't enough they also have it for squirrels! XD Which bring yet another pun, "don't touch his nuts."Ok, ok, but seriously this is something you cant miss out on. Presenting, Armor Amour. ^^

Click this Link to see more!!! :: Armor Amour

Wear A Condom, Save a Polar Bear

Upon reading this the only thing playing in my mind, was: "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" XD

Points go to Plime yet again proving that famous tag-line, but wait there's more!

Here’s an offer too good to refuse: Go have intercourse with the man/woman/vegetable of your choice. Then, as you bask in the afterglow, bask in the knowledge that you just helped save an endangered animal.

Indirectly, anyway.

Sound crazy? Believe us, we know. When we first came across the Endangered Species Condom Project, we thought it was an April Fool's joke. But we’re pretty sure now it’s the real deal.

The project, an effort of the Center for Biological Diversity, will result in hundreds of thousands of free “Endangered Species Condoms” being handed out across America. The goal is to get horny fornicators to think about “how unsustainable human population growth is driving species extinct at a cataclysmic rate.” While they’re putting on condoms .

Right. Because the fate of the polar bear is the first thing on every guy’s mind during that pivotal moment.

Hang on, though: It gets better. Check out some of the educational designs that’ll be featured on the Endangered Species Condoms’ packaging. We swear we aren’t making these up.

(Click any image to enlarge it to full-size.)

The Polar Bear

You know, carrying this sucker around might actually help you get laid. Just picture it: “Hey, baby. Wanna come home with me? Look: We can save polar bears together.”

The Snail Darter

The snail darter, eh? I think I tried that move on a girl once. It didn’t end well.

The American Burying Beetle

This much is for sure: Refer to your penis as a “tweedle,” and your opportunity to use the condom will vanish faster than you can say “World Wildlife Foundation.”

The Jaguar

Recommended for use with cougars.

You can see the full line of Endangered Species Condoms here. No matter how much you like the designs, though, remember this: Once it’s been used, it cannot be saved as a souvenir. No exceptions.

Furry Fandom

For all you furry fans out there, comes stories that are well written, greatly illustrated and have hard hitting story lines. Sincerely these comics will dazzle you long after their time and help you cope with that thing called life.

This first one is about twin kittens. They take you on an amazing story that deals with the hardship of life and the way our youth handles it. I think this is mostly inspirational to people in their 16 - 30's. I would put a more direct rating on this, but the truth is. Everything said in this comic are facts of life and if they see it anywhere else. Least here you can give them a better understanding.

http://www.jaynaylor.com/

This is a rated R comic that I think speaks for itself. While the comic strip seems very subtle, I rate this higher because the situations aren't always feasible and some content is adult. Though you will definitely find some light in this strip and it's fun to pass the hours away.

http://www.sabrina-online.com/index.html

Pizza Man Fights Back AND WINS!

Found this funny since my friend (Chris) just got a job at Little Cesar's. XD

NEW YORK (AP) - A New York City pizza deliveryman managed to fend off a gunman trying to make off with his pies and deliver them to their rightful owner.

Frank Grecco, the owner of Famous Famiglia pizza in East Harlem, says Assami Semde, 19, was trying to deliver two pizzas to a nearby apartment last week when two men started harassing him.

Grecco says one man pointed a gun at him and told him to leave the pizzas.

Grecco says Semde put the pies down and when the gunman bent over to get them, shoved him so he'd lose his balance.

Police say one man has been arrested on attempted robbery charges

And Semde, escorted by police, delivered his pizzas — one pepperoni and one cheese.

Easter Island Soil Cures Alzheimer's

I don't know about you all, but Alzheimer's is sorta a serious deal to me. I have a lot of memory loss that never came back due to seizures and strokes. Though I remember a good share of the events today I still have a rather large history with no answers. So for those of you with my problem or something similar, here is something you might find worth the read.

Rapamycin is a bacterial byproduct discovered in the soil of Easter Island. It extends the lives of animals, and now two independent studies show that it can reverse the symptoms of Alzheimer's. Is this the drug we've been waiting for?

A study published yesterday in the Journal of Biological Chemistry confirmed that mice with Alzheimer's showed marked improvement in memory and cognition after being fed a Rapamycin-enhanced diet. This study was released simultaneously with another, in PLOS One, which confirmed the results of the first in a different group of mice.

How does this wonder drug work? Physiologist Veronica Galvan, an author on the PLOS study, explained:

Rapamycin treatment lowered levels of Amyloid-beta-42, a major toxic species of molecules in Alzheimer's disease. These molecules, which stick to each other, are suspected to play a key role in the early memory failure of Alzheimer's . . . The fact that we are seeing identical results in two vastly different mouse models of Alzheimer's disease provides robust evidence that Rapamycin treatment is effective and is acting by changing a basic pathogenic process of Alzheimer's that is common to both mouse models. This suggests that it may be an effective treatment for Alzheimer's in humans, who also have very diverse genetic makeup and life histories.

Rapamycin has already been approved by the FDA to treat organ rejection in transplant patients. That means doctors could start prescribing it for the "off label" use of treating Alzheimer's tomorrow. The researchers are still not sure if the drug would reverse the effects of Alzheimer, or simply block them. But for millions of people suffering the effects of Alzheimer's, that question may be moot.

Expect to be hearing more about this drug, and soon.

Cybernetics

Ever wonder what the world is gonna look like when we get to that futuristic state of developing robots? Well this is it! Brought to you by Worth1000, the future is in robotics.

(Had to post this reminded me of Adult Swim's TV show directed by Seth Green.)

When Jaws Attack

Yet again I surf the wave of the internet on you guessed it, Plime! ^^ Found this survival info on what not to do in the case of a shark (jaws ;P ) attack.Which by the way should you choose to read this, you'll find the literary style very funny. Cole Gamble is a very captivating journalist.

Scenario:

For whatever reason--plane crash, riptide, sailing misadventure, a bad case of Ocean Fury--you find yourself in the middle of the sea with nothing but miles of water around you. And, to your horror, here comes that heavy string music and a circling fin slicing through the water.

Luckily, from multiple websites and news stories about shark survival you remember the Shark's Achilles Heel: Punches to the face. Specifically, the tender nose area. You wind up to belt that fishy bastard in the schnoz, and make your testicles proud.

The Result:

First let's look at a shark. Can you find his nose? Yep, it's that incredibly narrow point in front that drops precipitously into a slimy, downward sloping ramp right into his 5,000,000-toothed mouth.

Take into account the fact that you're bobbing around in the water like a buoy full of meat, facing off against a lightning-quick predator with several million years of practice in eating things that punch it in the nose, and you'll see that chances are your fist will just deflect down into that aforementioned gaping hole of teeth like Boba Fett into a Sarlacc Pit. Now if your plan to defeat the shark is too feed yourself to him until he grows tired of the taste of you, you're off to a great start.

But experts say that even if you hit the shark-nose punching lottery, you won't have scared him off, just dazed him, giving you a minute or so tops. Now, if this particular shark is suffering from ADD, then great: You're in the clear now. He's off to chase a shiny thing or update his twitter feed 82 times an hour. But if not, all you've done is managed to piss the shark off and give him a minute to ponder how revenge is a dish best served in a blood-filled bag resembling you.

balloon+duct tape= Space Exploration

So I was skimming Plime and I found this interesting story about a man who took a camera, attached it to a balloon with duck-tape and put NASA (aka: National Aeronautics Space Administration) to shame.

It all sounds very Heath Robinson but a digital camera, a GPS device, some duct tape and a balloon were all that was needed to take some breathtaking pictures of Earth that had NASA calling.

Robert Harrison, 38, used a collection of cheap parts costing £500 to create a balloon-mounted camera that can travel up to 21.7 miles (35km) above the surface of the Earth. The result is a series of pictures taken from a height that only a rocket or weather balloon can reach. Mr Harrison, an IT director from Highburton, West Yorkshire, has launched 12 high-altitude balloons (HABs) since 2008.

The hobby began when he tried taking aerial photos of his house using a remote control helicopter. The experiment failed and Mr Harrison began to research the possibility of using a meteorological balloon to carry a camera. The resulting photographs, which he published online, were so impressive that NASA has been in touch.

“A guy phoned up who worked for NASA who was interested in how we took the pictures,” Mr Harrison told The Times. “He wanted to know how the hell we did it. He thought we used a rocket. They said it would have cost them millions of dollars.”

The contraption comprises an ordinary Canon camera mounted on a weather balloon. Using free software downloaded from the internet, Mr Harrison reprogrammed the camera to wake up every five minutes and take eight photographs and a video before switching off for a rest.

A GPS tracker enabled him to follow the balloon’s progress to an accuracy of 10 meters (33ft) and to retrieve it upon its return to Earth. Both the camera and the GPS device are wrapped in loft insulation, which traps the heat given off by the devices and allows them to function in -60C (-76F) temperatures high in the Earth’s atmosphere.

At ground level the helium balloon has a diameter of one meter. As it rises, the air pressure drops and the balloon expands to a diameter of up to 20 meters. Eventually, it pops and the camera carried back down to earth by a small parachute.

Launching the balloon requires permission from the Civil Aviation Authority so Mr Harrison usually travels to one of two approved sites in Cambridge.

Describing his first successful launch, Mr Harrison said: “We were sat in a local pub at the time and I was gobsmacked when I got the images. Seeing the highest pictures was amazing — that’s a lifetime achievement.”

The UK Met Office sends up similar balloons every day to measure a range of weather conditions but Mr Harrison holds the record for the highest HAB flight at 22 miles (35km). He is working on his third model, which has a rotating-lens camera and a rear fixed-lens camera, as well as pressure, temperature and humidity sensors.